wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
