I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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