i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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