i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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