I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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