TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
