i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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