Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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