He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
