it was like eating out sand paper
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
