I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
