My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
