Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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