I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
