A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
