the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
