Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
