I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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