It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
