She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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