i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Rumble strips road head = magical
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
