I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize