I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Randomize
