yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
