That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
