Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
