i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
