I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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