She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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