you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
they're like a gay fantastic four
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
