WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
