Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
