my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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