Its about making memories worth repressing
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
