im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize