but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
