i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
