I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
