her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
