the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize