It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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