Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
