He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I deserve this hangover.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
