I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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