is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
