There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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