The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
