im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
