She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
