ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
