You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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