dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
