...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
