Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
