Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
