so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize