The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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