No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
