We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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