i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
