If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
no, he came in my armpit
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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