then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
