I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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