Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
