How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
