I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
