you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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