Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
