Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
