Umm I'm too high to move.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
whose parrot is this?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
