Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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