Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize