yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There's always time for handjobs
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
