Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
