My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
