I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
