please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
