I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize