is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
