Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i dont even know how to be here
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
