I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
