Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
