i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
