I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
