"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
When did angry sex become our thing?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
