I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
