Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Hippo gnu deer
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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