new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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