He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
how drunk are you?
Several
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
