just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
