Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
