So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
