New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You smell like stripper and shame
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
high people should be assigned attendants
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
