apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
