Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
