omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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