Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
