i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
