Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
