That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
