The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
