yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
