I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
