Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
