I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
