Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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