it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
